hIddEN bEnEatH tHe sHeLL

Dearest PoPo.

2010-05-31T23:00:00.000+10:00

情爱的婆婆，加以把~！

我好想你，亲你健康迟来。

Randomness...

2010-05-18T12:57:00.000+10:00

You felt the pain, but you ignored it.
You felt the love, but you submerged it.
You felt the urge, but you'd subdued it.
You were caught off guard, but you quickly composed yourself well enough to mask it.

"Such is life" - Ned Kelly

Two years.

2010-04-02T23:48:00.001+11:00

It's been two years now since tacia's left us. I'd be lying if I say I haven't missed her dearly.....how would anyone who'd known her well before not missed her?? Until today, I'm sure everyone in the family is still mourning over her "departure". The thoughts/experiences of not having her around during family celebrations, discussions/affairs, usual activities and outings were just so painful that we had to bury the heartache away and overwhelmed ourselves with busy routines. I wonder how mama and popo did it, since all they've been having to do everyday was to stay at home and face the reality with so much past time. They must be so strong......so strong. I'd be really silly if I were to ask, because that will do nothing but make them weep. Furthermore, I gather they must've been just wearing a mask to tell people that everything's fine and cool.........Whereas, I know papa's still battling through extremely hard, and he's barely relaxed at all. I definitely understand what they are going through, but what is there for me to do to ease their sorrows???

If you're not tough, don't try to act one.

Tenancy application

2010-03-11T17:33:00.000+11:00

I wish I would be granted this unit that I applied for =)

Who would have thought.

2010-03-10T17:25:00.003+11:00

A man who claimed he's 31y/o when later found out he's supposed to be 53y/o.
A man who professed that he was in love, yet he backbit and castigated the person he was supposed to "love".
A man who postulated himself as super wealthy but he couldn't even tell his "partner" where he was staying and being ultra secretive.
A man who appeared to have an intention to breach the friendship of his "partner" and "partner's" goodfriend, just so that he could manipulate both women.
A man who pretended to be a gentleman and knew his way of "garnishing" women with his sweet talk.

A dangerous con man who's full of shit.

Who would've thought.

Home

2010-02-11T19:40:00.003+11:00

The feeling of being back at home-sweet-home is just great. What else do I need, other than that simplicity, the security, the freedom, those memories, the smiles, the genuine love/care and the selflessness that radiates from every member of the family? They, who would sarifice anything just for you, for your happiness, for your safety, for your health and for your success. They, who keep praying and wishing that you'll be happy, you'll be safe, you'll be healthy and you'll be successful. They, who will be overjoyed when you are happy, whom will be sad when you are upset, and most worried when you are confused. Indeed, home is just like a complete shell that shelters you from any possible threats or harm, a niche for you to seek for comfort or strength and the bona fide.

NO?

2010-01-11T22:21:00.004+11:00

Seriously, what's wrong with saying NO?
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Why couldn't I just say NO and be very firm with my NO whenever I feel NO???
Why would one like me be so indecisive and soft as tofu???

Dammit.

Millenium...

2010-01-06T11:13:00.006+11:00

2010 started off with two pretty difficult and tricky situations for me to deal/confront with. Howbeit, I'm still optimistic that this year's gonna be an awesome year. That it's gonna be a year of integrity and completeness -unlike in 2009, where at least one thing or something or even someone's missing all the time......
Henceforth, I'd like to think that the year ahead of me now is a good and happy tiger year. Yay.

Notwithstanding, 2009'd given me a lot of fond memories. All those happy moments with the people around me back then, at current and even those who'd visited my life and left, I shall never forget. 2008 was the year I was forced to grow up much more than I'd intended to, having had to brace through so many heart-breaking news which left my family and myself with merely any enthusiasm or gaiety, negligible and nothing but melancholy.

Come what may, since then 2009'd flickered through so dexterously for us without much struggle....
And so will 2010 =)

She, whom I'd always adore.
She, whom I'd always admire.
She, whom I'd always miss and love.
Tacia, Happy New Year~!!!!!

What the tOOt !?!?!?

2009-12-31T11:49:00.002+11:00

Here's a real case senario.......

Couple of months ago on a warm summer night, there was this fine man who was feeling abit lonely because his wife was having a girls' night out and was going to spend her night in a hotel with her girlfriends. Meanwhile his own son and daughter were either away travelling or spending a night at a friend's house, although his mother was present and asleep soundly in the third level of his house.
Nonetheless, this man had a god-daughter (of the same age as his son), whom he knew he could count on to accompany him for a night of dvd and sips of red. The god-daughter was about to head back to her own house but felt abit guilty for she knew that her god-father'd appreciate if she'd just be his companion for the night and there was nothing to worry about because she'd stayed over there so many times before and even had her own wash up kit in the house. So after the movie and two glasses of red, they called the night off and proceed to their own room right away.

Upon waking up the next morning, god-daughter went to third level to greet her god-grandmother before she left. However, the god-grandmother was surprised to see her and felt abit puzzled afterwards (just because she came from overseas not long ago and thus didn't really recognized the god-grand-daughter). So when her own daughter-in-law came home later, the confused old lady then asked what the toot was going on. Daughter-in-law was very upset when she found out what happened, and so she confronted her husband about why he was spending the night alone with his god-daughter when nobody was home. When the god-daughter next spoke to her god-mother, she sensed that something was wrong and got very upset when she realized that the god-mother was having such a negative perception on her. In a way, she felt that she was accused of seducing her own god-father........???

Sadly, for the next few months, there were no contact whatsoever between the god-daughter and her god-parents. Recently, the god-daughter got back in touch with her god-father and realized that her god-mother was still overwrought with the same sensitive issue. God-daughter felt very heartbroken indeed because deep down in her heart, she really loved her god-parents for being so kind-hearted, generous and helpful, and most importantly she was very grateful to have them looked after her so well during her younger years. The last thing she wanted was to have such a broken relationship because all she cared for was the friendship and god-parentalship that they'd built over the years.

So what could she do to fix the problem, if there was any? To appologize for staying over when nobody was around even though she was invited by her god-father who was quite lonely on that particular night??? Or to be forgiven when she merely had one scanty thought about anything else but being of use and accompany her own god-father for just that one night???

Anyhow, in order to act rationally and of sophistication, the god-daughter should perhaps just rock up and appologize at the very least for making her god-mother distressed about the entire situation. Notwithstanding, to be accused of something so unworth of being accused at is just ridiculously absurb.

tOOt.

Why.

2009-12-29T15:28:00.001+11:00

呀!
Why,
When you want something so bad,
You just can't get it because you want it so bad.

Why,
When you don't want anything else and that you don't care,
You'll get something without a single crack.

Do you believe in "no pain no gain"??
I do believe in it but even so, sometimes you don't need to work hard to get something because you just can't get it no matter how extremely hard you try. So why the pain when there ain't gonna be any gain??
Then there you'd be granted with something else, dexterously, and what, that's just something you have no desire to own.

咳...
I don't need anything. Don't want anything.
Just don't give me nothing.

D o n' t.

Funny Thing...

2009-12-14T17:41:00.001+11:00

I thought I've grown quite abit over time and be much stronger than I used to be, ain't no more that cry-baby-softy sorta girl. Still, at times you'd skew back to your very ownself and retract back into your shell where you cry it all out - about every single peculiar thing that you'd never thought would make such an impact on you (well, especially after abit of a boost of course), then waking up all happy and cheery again asking yourself "What was frking wrong with me?"
I realised it's been a strange pattern, very strange, although it's a once-in-a-blue-moon thingy after having "specifically" provoked.

Anyway, I'm all happy. Very happy that my beloved mum is happy and lively again. Delighted that her Ca125 level's plummet back to the healthy level where it should've been. Of course we'll still keep monitor the level every frequent now and then. Still, it's an awesome HAPPY news for me~!!!:)

xoxoxo

What would you do....

2009-10-07T00:36:00.004+11:00

If you keep experiencing
disappointments over mishaps,
displeasures over sorrows,
grievances over heartaches.

Wouldn't you feel
lost and defeated,
or perhaps at the edge of giving up?
That's what I would do.

Sometimes you'd try so hard to be optimistic, nonetheless no matter how much you try to get to the top, if you keep getting beaten and crippled, you'd be so discouraged and just lose hope, wouldn't you?

That's what happens to poor cancer patients when their cancer relapse over and over again, or specifically, poor cancer patient who's just battled through lots of mournings and pains in addition to their own misery.

Force of Nature

2009-10-01T13:16:00.003+10:00

Force Of Nature - Lenka

Mama do...

2009-09-03T16:54:00.001+10:00

Pixie Lott - Mama do -

Take Me Away.

2009-08-21T14:30:00.000+10:00

Pocket Full Of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield

Guilty - Yann Tiersen

2009-08-17T23:00:00.001+10:00

Guilty - Yann Tiersen

Childhood and Home

2009-08-17T21:39:00.010+10:00

Recently, I had a flashback of most my childhood memoir after looking over and over again at the photos that Shu-Yin posted up in facebook back in 1993 up till 1999. Its really nice being able to reminisce such beautiful reflections of ourselves when we were little, once in a while.

How I miss those times, miss all of you, miss being innocent and naive, miss the genuine happiness and laughter, miss the solid friendship we built over the few years, miss the freedom, miss being irresponsible, miss playing "cop and thief" during history or add-math classes, miss catching public transports with besties, miss car-pooling with besties after tuition classes, miss going to besties' house for a cookout and movie night, miss having besties over at my place, miss hanging out with besties, miss going hiking trips, miss going to camps, miss having school activities under the hot sun.

Miss being taken care of, miss the love and attention from home, miss having mum or dad to come pick me up after school, miss having mum waiting and looking out for me while I have my swimming lessons, miss mum driving me around like crazy after school for piano lessons, miss mum driving me to tuition and dancing classes, miss taking money from mum's wallet, miss popo's home-cooked food, miss having cake-bread wraps for school break, miss the long phone chats and get scolded by granny, miss the smell of rain, miss having full family reunion dinners, miss pillow fights with koko and ercia, miss watching tvb series with family during dinner time, miss home.

If only.....................
Life doesn't evolve,
Clock doesn't tick,
Happiness remains,
Immortality exists,

Reality is,
Life evolves,
Clock ticks,
Happiness's temporary,
So is birth.

Who can tell.......................
What's gonna happen next?
How shall one face grieves, and more grieves?
Be strong one shall, but to what extend shall one's strength be?
Heartbreak is an affliction,
One that's most difficult to heal,
Even with time.

Skipalong.....

2009-07-14T17:48:00.001+10:00

Skipalong - Lenka
So tired of feeling blue
Such a heavy weight on you
So shake it off and make your way to somewhere different
To somewhere different
Oh no now you're leaving me oh what will you do
All alone in the big bad world but I'm not worried, no

'Cause you're gonna skip along
Quite merrily baby, you're gonna revel in hating what's going on
And you're like a sugar bomb
And no harm will come
No harm will come if you just skip along

Acting oblivious
Comes natural to us
Keep smiling knowing all the while the world will fall apart
The world will fall apart

So we're gonna skip along
Quite merrily baby we're gonna revel in hating what's going on
Yeah you're like a sugar bomb
And no harm will come
No harm will come if you just skip along

Wouldn't it be lovely to be home home
Safe and sound with no one round to bring us down but that's so far away

So I'm gonna skip along
Quite merrily baby, I'm gonna revel in hating what's going on
Yeah I'm like a sugar bomb
And no harm will come
No harm will come if I just skip along
Just skip along
Quite merrily

Popo

2009-07-14T16:44:00.006+10:00

All of a sudden, I felt a very strong urge to go home after speaking to koko. It's from the conversation between koko and popo yesterday, when popo asked us to go home more often. She added that she may only live for another ~2-3 years. I still can't believe how could she'd even said that????? Nooooo, please don't. She can't even think of that issue. NO.

I hate to think that popo's very weak now. I hate to know she's old. To me, she's always young with most beautiful skin, kind and very open-minded. She's been the strongest woman in my family, in my life apart from tacia. I can't help keeping my emotion under control on realization of how helpless I am now, being so far away and not cherishing any moment with her, not being there for her whilst she needs me most. I miss her very much. I know how lonely she gets having to stay at home and not being able to go anywhere with her weak body and limbs.

I need to do something. I need to go home. I want to talk to popo. I want to hug popo. I want to kiss popo. I miss popo.

Popo, I love you.

Scientist

2009-07-06T19:14:00.001+10:00

I Am A Scientist - The Dandy Warhols

Life Sucks, and that's NOT good.

2009-06-09T13:01:00.008+10:00

Below is a list of "Lessons in Life" (extracted from a forwarded mail), written by 90-years-old Regina Brett. Though I may've totally agreed with her during the pioneer round of translation, however its still quite a challenge to implement some of the concepts in daily circumstance - at least for me.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. Don't think it's ever O.K.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch .

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck..

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer. Well, at least in some respect a yes wouldn't be the answer either.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. Right.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything.. . Give time time. Still trying to prove that it'll be as truly stated.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. To good or bad?

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles. Would love to.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Hibernated.

2009-02-06T21:47:00.009+11:00

Been hibernating for a while now. Excuses for it?

1. Busy with research life.
2. Busy with part time jobs.
3. Can't be bothered.
4. Laziness.

Anyhow, kicking my heavy ass now - to keep track on what I've been/am up to.

Time flies. Already been back home for more than 2 weeks, leaving myself less than two weeks to go before I have to fly back to Melbourne to face the lonely challenging life, again....*sigh*

Nevertheless, its been great so far to be back home, of course. Got to meet up with darling koko and his family, my cute lil nephew, my beloved popo papa and mama, my sweet ercia, my dearest preggy best friend and all my great childhood friends plus college friends. Felt good to get to meet my two elder nephews as well, though they seemed to have changed. Young and innocent they still are, so I have no comments whatsoever for them as long as they are happy and obedient.
Being back home is different this year. There's this mixed feeling of happiness and sadness in me, which I sometimes find it confusing. Looking into the eyes of my father, my mother and my grandmother, I occasionally find it difficult to act cheerful or act as if nothing has ever happened, knowing that deep down they are still very very heart-broken.
Meanwhile, Ewe Lin reckons there's nothing to be grieved about anymore, and I should try to forget the past so that I could move on. I thought I have successfully overcome myself (by working as hard as possible to pass my time while in Melbourne) yet only to realize that I'm ain't as strong as I hoped to be, now being back at home.
Nonetheless, I believe that time will heal, and one day we'll all candidly accept the fact that "tacia" has already settled down happily in another world, whilst my two nephews will soon grow up to be kind-hearted and sophisticated gentlemen as hoped by their beloved mother.

Right, I'll now continue to enjoy my relaxing holiday back home, so that I am fully rejuvenated and charged before having to face the tough life in Melbourne again.

Oh, and hereby I wish all of you a very Happy New Year and that the year of OX will bring you lots and lots of happiness, laughter, success, prosperity and whatever you've dreamt for.

xoxoxo.

The Guardians: The Protectors

2008-09-15T10:50:00.010+10:00

Protectors make up as much as ten percent the population, because their primary interest is in the safety and security of those they care about - their family, their circle of friends, their students, their patients, their boss, their fellow-workers, or their employees. Protectors have an extraordinary sense of loyalty and responsibility in their makeup, and seem fulfilled in the degree they can shield others from the dirt and dangers of the world. Speculating and experimenting do not intrigue Protectors, who prefer to make do with time-honored and time-tested products and procedures rather than change to new. At work Protectors are seldom happy in situations where the rules are constantly changing, or where long-established ways of doing things are not respected. For their part, Protectors value tradition, both in the culture and in their family. Protectors believe deeply in the stability of social ranking conferred by birth, titles, offices, and credentials. And they cherish family history and enjoy caring for family property, from houses to heirlooms.

Wanting to be of service to others, Protectors find great satisfaction in assisting the downtrodden, and can deal with disability and neediness in others better than any other type. They are not as outgoing and talkative as the Provider Guardians [ESFJs], and their shyness is often misjudged as stiffness, even coldness, when in truth Protectors are warm-hearted and sympathetic, giving happily of themselves to those in need.

Their reserve ought really to be seen as an expression of their sincerity and seriousness of purpose. The most diligent of all the types, Protectors are willing to work long, hard hours quietly doing all the thankless jobs that others manage to avoid. Protectors are quite happy working alone; in fact, in positions of authority they may try to do everything themselves rather than direct others to get the job done. Thoroughness and frugality are also virtues for them. When Protectors undertake a task, they will complete it if humanly possible. They also know better than any other type the value of a dollar, and they abhor the squandering or misuse of money. To save, to put something aside against an unpredictable future, to prepare for emergencies-these are actions near and dear to the Protector's heart. For all these reasons, Protectors are frequently overworked, just as they are frequently misunderstood and undervalued. Their contributions, and also their economies, are often taken for granted, and they rarely get the gratitude they deserve.
Mother Teresa, George H.W. Bush, Jimmy Steward, and Tsar Nicholas II are examples of Protector Guardian style...

Guardian women look for traditions to start or maintain. They are generally suckers for flowers, cards, chocolates, and the like. They are among the most likely to notice and appreciate signs of status unless these signs are flaunted, such as entrance into an exclusive club and being welcomed by name at a trendy restaurant. Men often appreciate Guardian women who lavishly pamper their partners.....

Leilah is a Guardian Protector (ISFJ). Guys often didn’t even notice her in high school because she was so shy. In college, she had one long-lasting romance. However, her boyfriend turned out to be abusive. Since he would always apologize and she is very trusting and loyal, she stuck by him. The abuse escalated, so she finally left. Now she is dating a man who treats her like a queen. She’d like to marry him, but she’s afraid he might change afterward.

The Protector (ISFJ) type of Guardian will be the least likely to seek positions of leadership since they may feel uncomfortable in the lime-light. They are often seen as the people who do whatever is necessary to keep things running smoothly. They do their best to prevent problems. Like the Provider, they can be attracted to fields in medicine, education or social service. In business, positions that combine some type of social interface with time alone are best for them. If they choose technical positions, they prefer ones with at least some independence, such as electrician, or photographer. Says Patrick, “I was attracted to portrait photography because I am able to help people look their best and celebrate significant times in their lives. I take time to create the best portrait I can.”
Finding a place to belong, to contribute to society, and have a sense of security and confidence in their abilities, is key to the Guardian’s sense of well-being.

Guardians work best when they have a specific place set aside for studying, generally with a desk, proper lighting, and a computer as needed. It is usually important for them to make sure everything is in its proper place. A piece of paper not neatly lined up can drive them to distraction. They like to get everything they need in one place, organize it, and then get to work. Guardians usually do best with an environment which is restful or business-like, but not too stimulating.

Protectors (ISFJ) are the most sensitive of the Guardians to the emotional atmosphere. They have difficulty studying when there is unresolved conflict. Garrett’s roommates are having a fight and trying to make Garrett the middle man. He really doesn’t want to get involved, but the only way he’s found to get them off his back when he’s home is to study. Then he’s too busy to talk. His studying is less productive because of the conflict, but he’s doing so much of it, he’s actually learning more.

Introverted Sensing FeeLing Judging

2008-09-11T14:37:00.001+10:00

ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life. (Since ISFJs, like all SJs, are very much bound by the prevailing social conventions, their form of "service" is likely to exclude any elements of moral or political controversy; they specialize in the local, the personal, and the practical.)

ISFJs are often unappreciated, at work, home, and play. Ironically, because they prove over and over that they can be relied on for their loyalty and unstinting, high-quality work, those around them often take them for granted--even take advantage of them. Admittedly, the problem is sometimes aggravated by the ISFJs themselves; for instance, they are notoriously bad at delegating ("If you want it done right, do it yourself"). And although they're hurt by being treated like doormats, they are often unwilling to toot their own horns about their accomplishments because they feel that although they deserve more credit than they're getting, it's somehow wrong to want any sort of reward for doing work (which is supposed to be a virtue in itself). (And as low-profile Is, their actions don't call attention to themselves as with charismatic Es.) Because of all of this, ISFJs are often overworked, and as a result may suffer from psychosomatic illnesses.

In the workplace, ISFJs are methodical and accurate workers, often with very good memories and unexpected analytic abilities; they are also good with people in small-group or one-on-one situations because of their patient and genuinely sympathetic approach to dealing with others. ISFJs make pleasant and reliable co-workers and exemplary employees, but tend to be harried and uncomfortable in supervisory roles. They are capable of forming strong loyalties, but these are personal rather than institutional loyalties; if someone they've bonded with in this way leaves the company, the ISFJ will leave with them, if given the option. Traditional careers for an ISFJ include: teaching, social work, most religious work, nursing, medicine (general practice only), clerical and and secretarial work of any kind, and some kinds of administrative careers.

While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle--and often possessive of their loved ones, as well. When these include Es who want to socialize with the rest of the world, or self-contained ITs, the ISFJ must learn to adjust to these behaviors and not interpret them as rejection. Being SJs, they place a strong emphasis on conventional behavior (although, unlike STJs, they are usually as concerned with being "nice" as with strict propriety); if any of their nearest and dearest depart from the straight-and-narrow, it causes the ISFJ major embarrassment: the closer the relationship and the more public the act, the more intense the embarrassment (a fact which many of their teenage children take gleeful advantage of). Over time, however, ISFJs usually mellow, and learn to regard the culprits as harmless eccentrics :-). Needless to say, ISFJs take infinite trouble over meals, gifts, celebrations, etc., for their loved ones--although strong Js may tend to focus more on what the recipient should want rather than what they do want.

Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, run and get the nearest authority figure.) Unlike with EPs, the older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. For instance, an ISFJ child may be reproved for "sulking," the actual cause of which is a combination of physical illness plus misguided "good manners." An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they "didn't want to burden anyone with." Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem.

Happy Belated Birthday~!!

2008-08-18T10:00:00.002+10:00

It was your birthday on Saturday,
I'm sure many people knew it was your birthday,
Though I wasn't sure if you could hear us,
Wishing you could hear us,
As I know you would have loved a piece of cake.

Didn't know who to wish to,
Didn't know where to send a card to,
Didn't know which number to dial to,
Didn't know if my text would be read.
Wishing I could give you a hug.

Dreamt about you on Saturday night,
The same repetitive dream that I had,
That it was all like "The Game",
That it was all a joke,
Or a mistake, an erratum.

Happy Belated Birthday, TaCia.

Perfect....

2008-07-23T16:08:00.005+10:00

A song dedicated to my beloved tacia.....

I miss you dearly =(

Perfect, By Vanessa Amorosi
Stay forever who you are
don’t change a thing
because you are perfect

you Sway gently in the breeze
In between my dreams
It kind of makes me nervous

You’re storm is lightning striking down
To only strike me once, would still be worth it

In my dreams you were perfect
when I woke up you were perfect

Love, as scaring as it is
Tell me is it real,
If it ain’t hurting

I break when the sounding of you fades
My colours bleed to one
Nothing grows when your love is gone

In my dreams you were perfect
when I woke up you were perfect

even when you run you’re still worth it
hmmm, Here and now, the moments perfect

in my dreams you were perfect,
when i woke up you were perfect

mmmm, even when you run your still woth it,
here and now, the moments perfect

perfect
So perfect
When you run,
runnnnnnn,yea, yea, yea, yea, yea,
run! even in my dreams, when i wake up,

perfect! your perfect,
Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby,
yeah! yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Oh run, yeah
i drown, try to keep up with you

Poor little toe....

2008-07-22T20:53:00.004+10:00

In a cold rainy night,
I ran down the stairs,
Wearing my warm socks,
Ran down the stairs.

Holding onto my cup,
My favourite daily cup,
The cup that I just finished with my hot almond oats,
Holding on tight.

The warm pair of socks were warm,
But the warm pair of socks were slippery,
I fell off the stairs,
Fell off the stairs heavily.

Still holding onto my lovely cup,
I sprained my little toe,
Sat on the spot speechless for two minutes,
Enduring the agonizing pain.

My poor little toe,
My poor fat swollen little toe,
My poor bruised little toe,
Is fat, swollen and bruised.

*sobz*

Another favourite to share~

2008-07-22T20:39:00.004+10:00

每一句说话 - 太极

A piece of game, a night of dream...

2008-07-21T22:09:00.002+10:00

一场游戏一场梦 - 王杰

Classic~

Dedication from me to you~

2008-07-21T21:50:00.001+10:00

有一种爱叫做放手 - °¢Ä¾

My Pride

2008-07-21T11:20:00.000+10:00

我的骄傲 - 容祖儿

List em' out...

2008-07-19T15:44:00.006+10:00

Wise man says,

An apple a day,
One handfull of almonds a day,
Few servings of vegetables a day,
The proper amount of vitamin supplements a day,
Shall keep the doctor away.

Too much thinking,
Too much expectations,
Too much aims,
Too much hypotheses,
Too much suspicions,
Too much calculations,
Too much cravings,
May not keep the psychiatrist away....

"Blaming yourself (if you are) is a kind of act to add more unnecessary stuff into your glass ~" - Anonymus
Yes, I always try to fit myself in one's shoe before judging or deciding....which may explain why I take so long to make one decision at a time or perhaps, most of the time undecided.

Tell you what, I finally spoke to my friend, regarding looking after her dog...I admit my decision then was 60% - 40% (could not vs could). I started telling her that I would have to find a new home to move to, bla bla bla, that I can't walk her dog everyday as I need to be waitressing every friday, saturday and sunday....etc etc etc.
Don't know why we somehow ended our conversation as me saying "oh ok, then I guess I could walk the dogs on monday, wednesday and thursday~" Then she'll let me practise driving her manual car sometime soon......and show me around her house......

I really don't know how I got myself into this situation again~ Guess I just suck in saying NO~!
(I know ercia will be upset with me, sorry. Guess I'll try to make this the last time....for the year. Not only that, my roomate will also be mad at me for not going to spend time packing my things and get ready to move........)

Gotta really think of the best way to get things goiN~ again.... *sigh*

Why Does Life...

2008-07-18T12:26:00.004+10:00

I feel overwhelmed =(

I needa break.

Little Mermaid...

2008-07-16T12:34:00.001+10:00

美人鱼 - 徐若瑄

I don't want much.....

2008-07-08T15:06:00.001+10:00

我要的不多 - 马兆骏

Should I? Or should I not?

2008-07-02T16:40:00.007+10:00

Yes, I am house and dog sitting at the moment.
But that doesn't mean I should be doing this for everyone, does it?

However, if I were to be able to house and dog sit for this person, why can't I do it for the other?
If one needs help, the other shall be needing the equal relief too, ain't it?
Considering both are living at the same suburb and somehow in a similar circumstance....

Question is, do I really enjoy doing it?
Even if I am/ain't enjoying it, does that really matter?

No, there's no salary or pocket money doing it.
Because helping people is all about making people happy, and I do feel happy myself when I've done something nice and made someone happy~!
Of course, I am sincere when I said "yes I'ma helpin you" AND abstain from doin any complains.
Well, sometimes we just deserve a corner to do some whinings to our dear ones, don't we?

Right, so should I? or should I not?
I reckon I should help another friend (from work) to house and dog sit again for one month starting mid of August.
Yes, again. *fainted*

But why am I hesitating??
Well that's because,
1. I need to find a room to move into because I'm gonna be kicked out from my current house soon~!
2. Erm....helping people is great, but I can feel a little isolated and lonely on some nights...living in a huge house all by myself....and with dog(s).
3. Petrol is getting expensive, and I ain't that dumb to waste money on the unnecessaries when I've just gotten myself into a state of poverty, hey? Although I know...money is not everything...
4. One thing I realized so far is that I'm really bad at road directions and I've wasted heaps of time and petrol on the road previously....just because I sucked in land-marking the route I was headin to and lazy to look at Melway~ *sigh*

Advantages?
1. I get to practise driving, an excuse to get my ass off the ground....
2. I'm doing another good deed and she can happily go for holidays with her hubby~!!
3. I feel more independent I guess.....versus lonely?? - lame excuse.

Back to square one, should I? or should I not?

Damn....I hate decisions making and the sense of guilts.

Dedicated to koko and ercia

2008-07-01T17:05:00.005+10:00

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love
Uploaded by FresHipHop

A remembrance of us listening to this song in the car on our way to SS.......

Abrazame....a beautiful heart diggin' song for Rumba.....

2008-07-01T15:09:00.002+10:00

ABRAZAME - TAMARA

*AbRrrAZamEeeeeee~*

40 tips for "better life"

2008-06-30T10:34:00.002+10:00

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day... Buy a lock if you have to.
3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.
4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,
'My purpose is to___ today.'
5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy .
6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink green tea and plenty of warm water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.
18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree..
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
26. Forgive everyone for everything.
27. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. GOD heals almost everything.
29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.. Your friends will.Stay in touch.
31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
33. The best is yet to come.
34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
35. Do the right thing!
36. Call your family often, sms or email them.
37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for _____. Today I accomplished _____.
38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed..
39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care enough to share.

May your troubles be less, May your blessings be more, May nothing but happiness come through your door!

Molecular Cloning

2008-06-30T10:23:00.002+10:00

"The main idea of molecular cloning is to insert a DNA segment of interest into an autonomously replicating DNA molecule, a so-called cloning vector or vehicle, so that the DNA segment is replicated with the vector.
Cloning such a chimeric vector in a suitable host organism such as E.coli or yeast results in the production of large amounts of the inserted DNA segment.
If a cloned gene is flanked by the properly positioned control sequences for transcription and translation, the host may also produce large quantities of the RNA and protein specified by that gene." - Voet D. & Voet J.G., (2004) Chapter 5, Biochemistry 3rd edition, Wiley.

It'll all get better in time....

2008-06-28T16:08:00.007+10:00

Leona - Better In Time

Leona Lewis - Better In Time

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Go in, come in, thought I heard a knock
Who's there? No one, thinking that I deserved it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
You didn't notice, you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is, I'ma be okay

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, oh yeah
(It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
(It'll all get better in time)

How could I turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me?
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings?

If I'm dreaming, don't wanna let, hurt my feelings
But that's the path, I believe in
And I know that, time will heal it
You didn't notice, you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is, I'ma be okay

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, oh yeah
(It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
(It'll all get better in time)

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you
Yes, I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, oh
(It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to, yes, I do
(It'll all get better in time)

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, yeah
(It'll all get better in time)
And even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to

Finally~!

2008-06-24T13:59:00.002+10:00

P.S. I drove to Melbourne Airport (Tullamarine) for the first time today~!!!!!
*_*

YaYNesss~

Friendship

2008-06-24T12:12:00.001+10:00

Gratitude.................

2008-06-23T16:07:00.005+10:00

"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." ~ Epictetus ~

There are many people in my life whom I do appreciate from the bottom of my heart, in which I haven't put into words or action before, that I think is sage to voice them now rather than later.....or never.

I have my once completed wonderful happy family to feel extremely grateful for.
Yet, I am still blessed to have my current beloved family to love, care and be there for.

I considered myself most lucky to have a few wonderful friends, whom I regard as those who really stood me up when I fell. Those,
Who believed in me when I have ceased to believe in myself.
Who was there for me when she could have been in somewhere else.
Who knows all about me more than myself, and still accept me for who I am anyway.

Shu-Yin,
Thanks for being my best friend and having me as your best friend. The love, the trust and the loyalty of our friendship really meant alot to me. One, which I will hold on to till the end of my life. Best friends are never apart, maybe in distance but not in heart. All that you've done for me, I appreciate them from the bottom of my heart. I miss you and I love you very much.

Soo Huey,
I want you to know how amazing you are. Although I may not fully understand you, but I will always love you for who you are and care for what you do. You are one of a kind who would rush to the friend in need regardless of the work load and any excuses. Thanks for being there for me in melbourne when I was really lost, driving me around to settle my work stuff and making me yummy dimsum early in the morning. I really do appreciate and you know I'm always here for you whenever. Your friendship is a special gift, generously given, happily accepted, deeply appreciated.

Mei Ying,
There's always the memory of when we were sitting together in form 4 & form 5, where we shared all our favourite song lirics and movies..."Keigo" and as we age, there's no more such thing as "Li Hom". Singing together when Puan Chen was busy chalking about addmaths......Essential is the annual catch up, for all-in-one updates. Beautiful friendship is seen through the heart, not through the eye.

Peen Peen, Phaik See, Karen,
A friendship is genuine when two friends can enjoy each others company without speaking a word. Once a good friend, forever a good friend. Just want you guys to know that you always have a place in my heart, and I'll be here for you whenever or wherever just as you would for me.

"The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart" - Elizabeth Foley

A Shoulder To Cry On

2008-06-18T23:03:00.001+10:00

A Shoulder To Cry On - Tommy Page

"The best antiques are old friends"

2008-06-18T21:36:00.003+10:00

"We always thought we'd look back on our tears and laugh, but we never thought we'd look back on our laughter and cry."

"Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind."

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Walk beside me and be my friend."

"True friendship is sitting together in silence and feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had."

"Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other gold"

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."

"I count myselt in nothing else so happy
As in a soul rememb'ring my good friends." - William Shakespeare

I miss her....

2008-06-18T14:59:00.004+10:00

Finally,
I managed to face my broken heart,
And blog about her, thinking about her,
Her beautiful face, her perfect feature and gesture,
To reminisce how we used to laugh and cry,
Gossip and make fun of each other.

Realizing there's only a one-way comunication with her now,
Truth that she'll no longer reply my emails,
Listening to my excitement or disappointment,
Get excited with me, be sympathetic for me,
Or rather present me a few wise and cheer-up words.

How much I wanna tell her,
Things that I've never told her before,
How gorgeous she is,
How smart and strong she is,
How much influence she has on me,
How proud I am of her,
How much I took her for granted,
How much I was looking forward for her coming to Melbourne so that we can build a cosy house together,
How much have yet we shared,
How heart-breaking to see her email address and yet not being able to forward her funny mails,
How unexpected I was to not be able to see her again after Chinese New Year......

Words are just not enough......never is sufficient.

Got sucked...

2008-06-18T14:44:00.003+10:00

I'm a sucker to many things...
Rather, I'm easily influenced.
Influenced by who?
Influenced to what?
Influence from where?

I am a sucker to heart-breaking love songs.
I get sucked by sales person who's trying to sell their products.
I tend to suck-in whatever people say and forget my own principle right on the spot.

Damn...

Ba bei shang liu gei ji zi...

2008-06-13T15:51:00.000+10:00

把悲伤留给自己 - 陈升

The Original Me..."Yuan Lai de Wo"

2008-06-12T17:49:00.000+10:00

qi_qin-_yuan_lai_de_wo.mp3 -

Words just can't...

2008-06-11T13:07:00.006+10:00

There's so much to express and phrase and cry about,
Yet words just can't describe all in one,
Sometimes its just wise to cry aloud,
As tis' as good as Nurofen to ease migraine.

What's happened's happened,
What's meant to be's meant to be,
What else can be done if not to continue to endure,
One of the few optimistic approaches to cure.

Wise man says with wealth and health we obtain happiness,
Yet life's indeed nothing as such as smoothness,
Not until we refrain from all pleasures,
Not until we cultivate pureness.

Good Luck

Advice from a sage

2008-04-21T16:27:00.004+10:00

1. Be busy without being disorganized, and weary without being dispirited.
2. Be busy but happy, and tired but joyful.
3. Its fine to be busy; just don't let it get on your nerves.
4. Work swiftly, but don't tense up; relax your body and mind and never tighten up.
5. Work swiftly in an orderly fashion; never compete with time in a nervous flurry.
6. Don't measure success and gain by wealth and rank; to benefit ourselves and others as best we can is all that matters.
7. To take on tough tasks, one must prepare to touch out complains, and to be in charge is to be in for criticism. Yet complains help foster compassion and patience, and criticism often holds golden advice.
8. Stay at ease under all circumstances, and give whenever conditions allow.
9. The tripartite formula for success is: go with the causes and conditions, seize them as they come, and create them when they don't.
10. Grasp opportune conditions when they come, create them when there are none, and never force a thing to be done.
11. All the ups and downs of life are nourishing experiences for our growth.
12. Deal with matters with wisdom, and care for people with compassion.
13. Rectify deviations with wisdom; accomodate others with compassion.
14. The deeper our compassion, the greater our wisdom and the fewer our vaxations.
15. Simply deal with matters with wisdom and treat people with compassion, without worrying about personal gain or loss. Then we'll never be plagued by vexations.
16. To let the circumstances dictate one's state of mind is human; to let the mind dictate the circumstances is sage.
17. A big duck cuts a big wake; a small duck cuts a small wake. Big or small, each duck will paddle its own way to the other shore - but only if it paddles.
18. If the mountain won't move, build a road around it. If the road won't turn, change your path. If you are unable to even change your path, just transform your mind.
19. Diligence doesn't mean stretching beyond our limits. It means displaying unremitting persistence.
20. A passing boat leaves no trace upon the waters; a bird's flight leaves no trace in the sky. When fleeting success, failure, gain, or loss leaves nno trace upon the heart, the great wisdom of liberation has been achieved.
21. To be accomodating to others is to be accomodating to ourselves.
22. Pressure usually stems from caring too much about externals and other people's opinion.
23. Offer your service with a heart of gratitude, as if repaying a kindness, then you won't feel weary or tired.
24. Always feel gratitude in your heart, and give unstintingly of your wealth, physical strength, mental effort, and widsom.

Reasons I am not happy. With you.

2008-01-11T15:48:00.000+11:00

1. Never bother telling me what's going on with your life.
2. Never tell me what you're feeling.
3. Never discuss problems with me.
4. Never call me or text me......................once or twice aweek is NOT enough when you are so far away~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. Not interested in my daily routine.
6. Made me feel uncared AND unloved.
7. I need to be assured.........................and I have repeated this MANY times, but you never give a damn.
8. I know you are busy and tired and stressed. But these are no lame excuses for not even interested in chatting with me for a blardy 5minutes during yer break~!???!!!??

What do you think theeeessee is all about? Is it obvious or I'm just dumb....?
I am emo enough but this is just aggravating my crabbiness~!
I don't wanna give no shit with this rlsp anymore....
Can I ?

Penetrating the root of the problem...

2008-01-07T21:16:00.001+11:00

Absolute impossible for any human beings to exist without facing no problems or worries in their lifetime. According to the Buddha, in order to overcome the problems we must first understand their nature and origin. In actual fact, by mistaking “the unreal for the real” we create enormous problems for ourselves - tis’ so true.

And so here I am, trying to understand the cause of my problem, so to hope there can be no more reason for me to suffer from undue fear, worries and insecurity. If I could view my problem as a tiny-miny one, I would tolerate it to the best of my ability and do what I could to alleviate the suffering. Moreover, one cannot expect overcome a problem completely without facing no other problem, or to the worst, not sacrificing anything physically or mentally.

Therefore, the Buddha introduced this practical method, a method that does not only to patch up a problem here and there simply to satisfy us for the time being. Rather he taught us the way to penetrate to the root of the problem and to find out the main cause of it.

What's the main cause of my problem and how shall I penetrate it???????
Too difficult.......................................................................

Happy New Year 2008~!

2008-01-03T11:18:00.000+11:00

HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR~!

Tis a brand new year,
Tis a brand new start,

May this year be more meaningful than ever,
May it bring,
Good luck,
Great health,
Complete success and,
Abundance of happiness,
To everyone.

Good Words

2007-05-23T09:18:00.000+10:00

Many people will walk in and out of your life.
But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

To handle yourself, use your head;
To handle others, use your heart.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.

He, who loses money, loses much;
He, who loses a friend, loses much more;
He, who loses faith, loses all.

Learn from the mistakes of others.
You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
Friends, you and me ....
You brought another friend.
And then there were 3 ....
We started our group ...
Our circle of friends ....

There is no beginning or end......
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
Live your life fully.

My personality?

2007-05-03T12:05:00.000+10:00

Hypersensitivity and insecurity define you,
but if not for them,
you wouldn't work nearly so hard to be the mensch that you are.
Despite your impeccable intuition and instincts,
your fear of failure and rejection thwarts you from setting and achieving goals.
Hence the important role that supporters and admirers play in your life.
Since you're incorrigibly impressionable to the perceptions of others, seek believers and encouragers.
Strong, confident personalities who catch your eye tend to cross your path recurrently.
Cultivate relationships with the safest, most emotionally securing of these potential mentors.
An assertiveness trainer can show you how to conquer your passive past.
A loving relationship is your link to being the best that you can be.
Each stride you make will work synergistically with the next
because the more secure you become, the less comfort you'll find in melancholy.
You may eventually cease to subordinate your own happiness and pleasure to that of others.
You'll always run to the rescue of troubled souls.
But as you build a nest with someone who soothes your own troubled soul,
you'll live less vicariously and ever more vigorously.

What shall I do?

2007-04-20T09:54:00.000+10:00

I hate to say,
But I have to say,
For tis' true,
That I'm extremely emotional,
And I do mean to the very extreme.

I'll stop talking,
Be very cold,
Be very gloomy,
Be very stern,
Easily stirred,
Prone to release frustration unnecessarily.

Knowing tis' nature,
But tis' a bad one to hold on to,
For till' be harmful,
Bring disadvantages and disturbances,
To my own peace of mind....and others.

Yet....what can I do?

I need to meditate....and sleep,
To get more self-control.

Quote of the Day

2007-04-18T08:41:00.000+10:00

"The victory of success is half won when one gains the habit of setting goals and achieving them."

Even the most tedious chore will become endurable
As you parade through each day convinced that every task,
No matter how menial or boring,
It brings you closer to achieving your dreams.....

Chinese Philosophy

2007-04-13T09:00:00.000+10:00

Proud man hath no heaven;
The envious man hath no neighbour;
An angry himself hath not even himself....

10 things I hate about you.

2007-04-09T20:46:00.000+10:00

1. I hate you for building up my childhood dreams, and then crushing it with no benevolence.
2. I hate you for doing so much things in such a short period of time, things that you made me appreciated the most, and finally just to make it more difficult for me to forget you.
3. I hate you for wanting to try things out, when you still haven't let go of the past, still having a hard time forgetting the past and still having difficulties moving on.
4. I hate you for doing things impulsively, not caring about the consequences that may hurt another party in the future, so much.
5. I hate you for going after superficial beauty of a woman, when the beautiness will one day deteriorate as one ages. Beauty does dwell from the heart, only.
6. I hate you for making me stronger and more matured, when I like to be the little innocent girl whom I used to be. Never try to change a person for she is the special her.
7. I hate you for not trying to communicate with me properly, for trying to ignore the problem when it arose.
8. I hate you for hoping that things will be solved just by giving me a bloody sentence in the msn messenger, after taking a period of time to consider what you feel is right while testing my patience.
9. I hate you for going to the mini jamboree 12 years ago, for being such a cheeky yet charming little boy.
10. I hate you for making it so damn hard for me to ignore what happened, and that I seriously, have failed to ignore you entirely...

qUotE fOr tHe dAy

2007-03-30T19:13:00.000+10:00

"You will find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful people. Why not make earnest effort to confer that pleasure on others? Half the battle is gained if you never allow yourself to say anything gloomy."

Yesterday was a history, Tomorrow is a mystery..

2007-03-06T12:42:00.000+11:00

My childhood dream,
Was finally destroyed,
In a somewhat harsh way,
By someone I used to think specially,
Just today.

Now that its is over,
I'm back to reality,
Back to original,
Back to natural,
Stand strong and steady.

How I wish,
There's always a turning back,
To when I was little,
Or younger,
Or even few years ago,
Or minutes before.

How I wish,
That life can be
Much more simpler,
Easier to handle,
And if only its,
Never with worries,
Never with greed,
Never with jealousy,
Never with anger,
Never with too much passion,
I would very much appreciate it.

What's wrong with you?

2007-02-13T16:09:00.000+11:00

I have nothing to say really,
But I just can't understand why,

some people can be as selfish as a fishmonger,
some couples can be as sweet as honey topped with caramel,
some guys can be as insensitive as a twig,
some girls can be as emotional as the weather in melbourne...

I don't really fancy moving on with my life...but

what can I do~?

Damnit~

2007-02-13T16:07:00.000+11:00

Damn~Damn~Damn~
Damnit~Damnit~Damnit~
Everything is just Bullshit~!

D A M N I T~!

Falling in Love? Or Having a Crush?

2006-12-13T13:18:00.000+11:00

When you are together with that special someone,
you pretend to ignore that person.
But when that special someone is not around,
you might look around to find them.
At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh,
your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone.
Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back,
to let you know of their safe arrival,
your phone is quiet.
You are desperately waiting for the call!
At that moment, you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails,
you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the emails or SMS messages in your phone because of one message from that special someone,
you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets,
you would not hesitate to think of that special someone.
Then, you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend",
but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction.
At that moment, you are in love.

While you are reading this mail,
if someone appears in your mind,
then u are in love with that person...

Beautiful tis to Fall in Love, IF tis to fall together......

Self-Esteem

2006-10-17T09:54:00.000+10:00

Arrogance is foolishness. Pride is unrealistic.
The discovery of humility is pain.
Humility, itself, is freedom.
Pride in one's humility is seductive and dangerous.
Self-esteem is an illusion when it is esteem for the self.
Esteem for the Self is Wisdon.
Guilt is natural. Compassion is natural.
Two ends of the same stick.
Gratitude is the natural response to opening one's eyes.
Moments of seeing - gifts themselves.
Clinging to unreality is demanding and exhausting.
Reality is just as it is.
Make your image a realistic one.
Disappear into the mystery of being ordinary.
It's a long fall, but the ground is soft and firm.

Please Remind Me

2006-10-17T09:39:00.000+10:00

Please remind me of why I am here
in this part of the world,
when I am somewhere else.

When anger stirs
over unwashed dishes,
unkept promises,
and unpaid bills,

please soften my heart
and remind me
of why I am here.

When frustration is triggered
by the same argument
for the hundredth time,

please tame my words,
deepen my breath,
and remind me of why I am here.

When my attention is drawn
like a magnet
to myself -
my needs,
my wants,
my comfort,
my pain-

please blink my mind
and allow my eyes to see
into the heart of another,
that I may attend to their needs

and bear their pain
and be dissolved
into the reason I am here.

I know that reason
yet, so often,
I find myself somewhere else
and forget.
Please remind me.

By Gregg Krech

Tension Not.

2006-10-04T08:27:00.000+10:00

Dont be Tension
The moment you are in tension
You will lose your attention
Then you are in total confusion
and you will feel irritation
This may spoil your personal relation
Ultimately, you wont get co-operation
And set things into complication
Then your BP may raise caution
And you may have to take medication
Why not try understanding the situation
Many problems will be solved by discussion
Which will work out better in your profession
Dont think it's my free suggestion
It is only for your prevention
If you understand my intention
You'll never come again into tension.
" So, stay cool......:-)

cOmPlicAtEd.....

2006-09-12T11:50:00.000+10:00

Its all about emotions......

Emotions can make one happy,
Emotions can make one motivated,
Emotions can make one relax.
Also,
Emotions can make one miserable,
Emotions can make one dispirit,
Emotions can make one tired.

Boundless reasons to trigger emotions.....
Can be news that are happy or sad,
Can be the surrounding environment,
Can be people or friends,
Can be work,
Can be PMS,
Can be homesickness,
Can be memory reminiscence,
Can be whatsoever that is in one's mind....
Mind that is versatile.

Things that can be done to prevent being such an emotional freak?

Try to believe in oneself and cultivate positive thinking.....
Meditate, meditate, meditate.....
OmmmpHhh Mani Pat Mer HommmmmpHhh.......

Quote of the Day

2006-07-27T13:52:00.000+10:00

"Often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things we should despise and forget.
We lose many irreplaceable hours brooding over grievances that, in a year's time, will be forgotten by us and by everybody.
No, let us devote our life to worthwhile actions and feelings, to great thoughts, real affections and enduring undertakings."..

I shall be the beautiful me...

I need to Learn

2006-07-20T08:32:00.000+10:00

I need to learn,

to be strong,
to be generous,
to be patient,
to be understanding,
to be compassionate,
to be helpful,
to be hardworking,
to be stressless....

There's many things to learn in tis' life,
There's nothing to take for granted in tis' life,
There's everything to think about in tis' life,
There's always something to do in tis' life.

I wanna be a baby,
who ain't gonna grow,
who ain't gonna have to survive,
who can be there for people when they need me.

Wish I am a teddy bear ...

To Love is To Let Go....

2006-07-17T09:50:00.000+10:00

Its been a while I know,
But many things have come and go,
Somethings I want to keep but let go,
To Love is To Let Go.

All will become a history,
Until one day they become an example,
For when there is a mistery,
Will I be able to solve the trouble.

It is buddha's teaching,
To not greed passion and luxury,
To cultivate self control and well-being,
To be abstinence from hatred and jealousy.

To Love is To Let Go.

Expensive and Exciting Trip

2006-04-02T20:17:00.000+10:00

Yesterday,

I paid $1200 for my expensive, exciting trip back home......

One month salary is gone again.....

*S*I*G*H*

GaMbAtTe~! Work Hard to Earn bacK my mOnEy~!

Anyway, I still think it is worth it, to feel the excitement, happiness, spoilness, naughtiness to just get a 2 weeks paid leave to fly back home....... :D

YEYNESS~!!!

Sometimes, somethings, somepeople.

2006-03-27T18:51:00.000+11:00

Sometimes, somethings, somepeople,

are difficult to predict, to understand,
are hard to know from the surface,
are impossible to trust, to believe,
are anything but from what you would have expected...

Sometimes, somethings, somepeople,

need to handle with patience, with determination,
need to deal with caution, with care,
need to think twice before action,
need to think ahead and look forward for answer...

Sometimes, somethings, somepeople,

have much to ask for,
have little to understand about
have nothing to show for,
have all but being in other people's shoes...

How much is much?
How much is too much?
How much is the threshold?
How much can one tolerate?

My Beloved Papa

2006-03-22T21:43:00.000+11:00

Tuesday, 14 March 2006

Meet papa at Radisson Hotel at 10pm, and both of us chatted for a while. Slept in Dato Mary's room....sharing her king sized bed and listening to her snoring all the way........

Saturday, 18 March 2006

Fetched papa from Radisson Hotel and upon checking out the hotel, both of us carried his two bigbig luggages plus one big bag full of food and drinks.
Walked to Flagstaff train station to catch the train to Glen Waverley to meet uncle Teng Wee.
Uncle Teng Wee came to fetch us with his mercebenz and drove us to his big big house. We chatted for a while and had a cup of tea, followed by "yum cha" at Shark Fin House in Highbury Road.
Uncle Teng Wee dropped us home to Clayton after lunch.
Papa had a good short afternoon nap, while I cleaned up the house and watched television.
He woke up and we walked to Clayton Coles to buy some groceries for dinner.
For dinner, we had 'BeeShin special' spaggethi.....and watched television.

Sunday, 19 March 2006

Alarm clock went off at 9am, and I prepared breakfast....

Oat porridge with banana, nuts and grapes
Strawberry flavored yoghurt
A glass of cranberry juice
A cup of coffee

We then adjourned our first destination, which is Box Hill to meet Boon Kit.
We caught the train and reached Box Hill at 12.30pm. Bought some Easter Eggs and Bunnies for uncle neighbour and the two little cutie monsters.
Boon Kit came to meet us at 1pm, and we went for lunch by papa. We had Tai Pei food....XIAO LONG PAO.....yumyum.

Following lunch, we went to Boon Kit's house, and sat for a while. Boon Kit then dropped us back to Clayton. On such hot sunday afternoon, we were glad to go home to our cozy cool house in Clayton. We watched DVD movie acted by Harrison Ford.

At 6pm sharp, uncle Ch'ng drove his Land Cruiser into our drive lane. We hopped into his car and we drove to Treasure Restaurant for dinner by Aunty Ivy. We had two mudcrabs with wanton noodle stir fry as our entre, followed by rice with chessnut chicken and stir-fry vegetable.

Following dinner, we went back to his house and had some desert and juice. Chatted for a while, uncle Ch'ng dropped us home.

Monday, 20 March 2006

Alarm clock went off at 6am, and I took my usual shower and dressed up for work. Prepared breakfast for both papa and I. Same breakfast, with different yoghurt flavor - blueberry....yum

We walked to train station, caught the 7.04am train and reached work place at approximately 8.10am. Papa walked around the hospital where I worked, and we met up for morning tea - a cup of coffee - Bacia (expresso with chocolate and hazelnut syrup)
We met up again for lunch at 1pm and 4pm after work. We caught the train and went to Spenser Street (Southern Cross) train station because we wanted to study the schedule for Sky Bus which papa had to catch to get to the airport on Wednesday.
We reached Clayton at approximately 7pm and had pizza take away as our dinner...yumyum.

We chatted until 1am and I slept.......

Tuesday, 21 March 2006

After having breakfast with papa, I went to work while he waited for Uncle Teng Wee. They then went to Dockland for sightseeing.
I met papa after work, at Flinders Street Station at around 6.30pm. We went to Chillipadi for dinner and we had curry prawns, smooth silky taufoo and seasonal vegetable. After dinner, papa suggested a movie, and thus we went to HOYTS the new cinema at highest floor in Melbourne Central. We watched FIREWALL, by acted Harrison Ford. We enjoyed.
After movie, we rushed for our train back to Clayton.

Wednesday, 22 March 2006

We had our final breakfast together, and I went to work. Papa then had to catch the train to Spenser Street station to catch the skybus to airport... Before he left Clayton, we bought some bread, fruits, 2 chicken sticks and honey for me.....

I miss and love papa very much.

Presentation nexT wEEk....~!

2006-02-21T12:09:00.000+11:00

I am scared,
I am nervous,
I am panicked,

About the presentation?

YET

I am buzy
I am tired,
I am sleepy,

OR

I am just lazy...................... and stressed

Its no good at all....

Back to Melbourne

2006-02-06T10:55:00.000+11:00

I am SAD...

Because I feel far from family again.
Because I feel all alone again.
Because I feel insecure again.
Because I have to work again.

I am SAD...

Am going hOmE~!!

2006-01-05T09:56:00.000+11:00

Alas,
I am going home~!
in 2 weeks time.....
I am

E X C I T E D~!!!!

^_^

HAPPY NEW YEAR~!

2006-01-03T16:00:00.000+11:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR !!

Wishing you,

Good Health,
Good Wealth,
Good Plans,
Good Life,
and
HAPPINESS throughout the doggie year.

My Love to All of You.

Few Questions I need to Know

2005-12-12T16:09:00.000+11:00

They want everything for my best,
But nothing is always gonna be the best,
Something is always not the best,
Because not everything is the best.

ie. Nothing is perfect.

Have always been idealistic,
Always been in fairytale world,
Never seen the real hurtful world,
Yet do understand the feel of painfulness.

Can't bare to be selfish,
Can't bare to be unrealistic,
Can't bare to be hurtful,
Would rather be hurt.

To be protected
OR
To get hurt?

She is SO kind......

2005-12-05T16:13:00.000+11:00

CHOO SU FEN

A girl whom I only met once, when she came to Melbourne for her boyfriend's graduation.
A girl whom I only talked to a few times during her two weeks stay in Melbourne.
A girl whom my friend or *housemate* should really, really, really appreciate.

She knows what songs I like.
She looks for all the songs that I like.
She translated all lirics of the songs I like into english subtitle for me.
She burnt a CD for me from Malaysia.
She bought me a memory card reader from Malaysia, realizing my broken reader when she was in Melbourne.
She sent me the gifts from Malaysia.

I had a pleasant surprise.
I was speechless.
I was touched.
I really need to think think and think how to surprise her back..........THINK~

I am so blessed and loved, again....

Hello How are you?

2005-12-01T16:00:00.000+11:00

Sorry was not there when you needed to feel the presence,
Sorry was not there to give you physical support,
Sorry was not able to do nothing to help you feel better or happier,
Sorry for being speechless and helpless.

Sorry

Sibling-bondship, Friendship or Relationship

2005-12-01T15:49:00.000+11:00

Similarities between
Siblings, Friendship and Relationship:

Caring
Worrying
Praying
Hoping
Thinking
Missing
Loving

How can we distinguish the feelings amongst these three different bondings?

Confused.

Pain pain go away...

2005-11-21T10:27:00.000+11:00

I HAVE PUS IN MY ARM
:(
:(
:(
:(
:(

My T-cells are fightin' the vaccinia virus now....and that makes me feel sick and tired and uncomfy.

I feel sleepy.......coz had a very little sleep weekend........

I feel Fortunate and Lucky.

2005-11-20T21:24:00.000+11:00

I suddenly realized,
that I should be satisfied and contented with,
who I am,
who I have,
who I belong to,
where I am staying,
what I possess,
what I am doing,
how I grew up,
how I was then and now.

After friday night - saturday morning,
I saw,
he doesn't have anyone to go to,
he doesn't feel belong to anywhere,
he doesn't have any belongings,
he doesn't have anything to use,
he has to work hard to pay school fees,
he has to take care of himself and earn his living,
he doesn't really know how to...

Deep down he is,
confused, sad and lost.

So I really think,
that I am lucky.

Vaccinia Virus

2005-11-18T09:04:00.000+11:00

I had my vaccinia immunisation yesterday,
Wasn't painful BUT,
The effect will appear next week WHEN,
The pus and inflammation is observed on my arm WHICH,
Means that my arm will be swollen AND,
The worse of all will be the SCAR will be on my arm FOREVER......

I am devastated and sad and unhappy.

Don't want that stupid scar... :(

Sleepy piG Again....

2005-11-18T08:59:00.000+11:00

Slept late, coz
Came home late, coz
Was in the city, coz
Went for dinner, coz
He wanna talk, coz
He was confused, coz
He wanted to look for a job, coz
He is planning his future, coz
He has to.

Had a good relaxing night.

Change of weather, change of mood

2005-11-14T10:16:00.000+11:00

The weather changed yesterday...
And so I had a slight change in mood yesterday...
He said I am upset bout something...
I think he was right that I was extra quiet...
He asked me what was upsetting me...
But I couldn't reply...

Coz I didn't know what I was upset about.

Could it be I was homesick?
Could it be I was thinking too much rubbish?
Could it be I was being emo?
Could it be I was in my couldn't be bothered mood?

I just wanted to be lazy
I just wanted to be passive
I just wanted to be inactive
I just wanted to be quiet
I just wanted to be carefree

I think I was giving a *don't come near me* impression.
But I am all good now...
I hope...
Sorry for being in such a moodygurl yesterday...
Please come near me now... ^_^

Can't stop yawning.

2005-11-14T10:11:00.000+11:00

I have been yawning since 6.30am this morning until now 10.15am, and still will be yawning until I leave work place today, and will definitely be yawning until I reach home and sleep tonight.

I AM SO UCKIN SLEEPY~!!!!

Today is so not my day.

2005-11-03T21:36:00.000+11:00

LATE
I woke up an hour later, coz I turned off my ringing alarm clockSSS at 6.00am.
I bothered not to take shower and made a quick change so to catch my usual train.
I was few minutes late for my usual train, and thought I was ok to handle the late few minutes.

BUT

There was no train travelling from Dandenong to Caufield due to the lightning and thunderstorm that struck yesterday night, breaking the blardy connecting line for trains.

SO

Had to catch public bus from Clayton to Glen Waverley, which took everyone a blardy 45 minutes to reach the Syndal station and YET missing the next train to the city.

HOWEVER

Waited patiently for another 10 minutes for the next train, which then took everyone another blardy 45 minutes to reach the Flinders Street station.

ANYWAY

Missed the earlier train to reach Austin Hospital. Waited again, patiently, for another 15 minutes for the next train, which took me another 45 minutes to reach Heidelberg station.

BLARDY HELL

A strange mentally-ill man, later got into the same train carriage as mine, took the seat right in front of mine, doing something obscence in front of me. I wasn't looking of course, didn't realize, but after few minutes, I then realized that he was trying to expose his lower self from the window reflection... When he realized that I was ignoring him, he then stood right in front of me, wanted to shake hand with me.... and I was like..... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~

TERRIFIED

I could see his face clearly when he was coming SO near me. His face was like poppye the sailor man, slightly scarier definitely. My heart was beating like poK poK poK poK poK thousand and one time faster than they usually were.... Nobody said nothing, until a guy behind shouted at him... but after 10 minutes???

FORTUNATELY

And he ran off after the train stopped at the next station.

NOT THE END

The day went slightly smooth at work. Tried to leave later from work just because I reached work place an hour and half later. Had to catch a different train from usual, but thought I could handle it.

SO

Caught the Cranbourne line train from the usual platform 6, and as written on the computer screen was C R A N B O U R N E. Thought was a bit weird when the train was not running express from South Yarra to Caufield, as it stopped at all stations, making me dizzy. Then, the next thing I found was that I have been sitting in a Frankston line train, heading a wrong destination.

THEREFORE

Had to jump out of the train, just to catch another train back to Caufield station, ran from Platform 1 to Platform 4, in order to catch my next coming in 1 minute Pakenham line train.

FINALLY

I managed to jump into the correct, desired, wanted train, and reached Clayton station alas.....

CONCLUSION

I am speechless and having bad headache.

No.

2005-11-01T21:19:00.000+11:00

No, No, No....
Nothing....
Nobody....
None....

No goals, No expections, No interest.
Nothing to look forward to.
Nobody to talk to.
None.

No feel, No taste, No view.
Nothing to think about.
Nobody to listen to.
None.

NO.

I want to sleep in my room on my bed
And bother nothing
Sees nobody
Make NO thinking.

Dear Landlord.....

2005-10-26T09:55:00.000+10:00

Dear Landlord,

I need to sleep alot because I feel tired having to travel everyday for approx. 1.5 hours.
I feel extremely tired after working and travelling.
I feel sleepy having to wake up so early in the morning and especially I don't sleep early at night.
So I think, I may not be able to listen to you chatting repetitively on and on about anything and everything everynight after my bedtime.

I think it is best for me to move to somewhere closer to the city.
I think it is so much easier for me not having to stress on the train catching and train transition period.
I think it is nice if I am able to catch up with friends at night after work and still being able to go home in peace.
So I think, I would like the idea of mine, to move out sometime end of this year.

All my friends are in the city, and I feel lonely plus homesick staying in Clayton.
Not when you all are around though, but that only last for one month.

I have to be sorry for not being able to stay in your house till your beloved daughter comes back from England to stay..... because I really think its tiring me out, and I may not be a good housekeeper if I am tired and always not at home.

If only I could send you this letter to tell you......

I am Glad, yet not completely.

2005-10-26T09:45:00.000+10:00

I emailed tacia,
It is not aneurysm,
I am so glad but,
Complication she said,
Is similar to aneurysm,
Which means,
There ain't nothing worth to be glad about.

I am worried still,
I am frustrated still,
I am confused still,
I am problemed still.

Thinking, thinking, thinking......

It sucks being one who can't help in nothing but
Just worrying and praying.
Especially the someone you need to help is
Someone you care and love so much.

How? Why? When? Where? I don't know.

2005-10-24T20:20:00.000+10:00

I want to know,
I need to know,
I have to know,
I wish to know,
I really ought to know...

Please let me know...
I will but phone card tomorrow...

I feel intruded,
I feel lost of privacy,
I feel lost of freedom,
I feel frustrated.

I wanna go home.

Patience..................

2005-10-17T13:42:00.000+10:00

Patience is virtue,
for it test your

ability,
capacity,
competency,
gravity,
honesty,
modesty,
power,
purity,
quality,
temperance and,
strength

My blardy strength is so gonna be weaken by my blardy patience....
A ZA A ZA FIGHTING~!!!

How you gonna feel when you have to face,
an indian customer being so "mou lei chui lao"
and so "pan sai ye" ?
I just smiled at her and appologized to keep her mouth shut.

How you gonna feel when you woke up so early in the morning,
only to catch the earlier train to get to work,
but the train delayed and thus have to miss another train by 30 SECONDS,
and so ma as well waking up 15 minutes later to catch the 15 minutes later train,
to get to work the same time via the same train.

stupid shit idiot

Quiet weekend...

2005-10-07T12:42:00.000+10:00

I feel tired.
I feel like retiring.
I feel like relaxing.
I feel like sleeping.
I feel like cozing in my little tiny cutie room.
I feel like listening to my favourite songs in my room.
I feel like isolating myself, again.

I feel that one night or day, one weekend or week, one month or year of quiet night(s) ain't gonna be enough.

I am a greedy pig.

Cold Spring.....

2005-10-05T21:42:00.000+10:00

Rainy spring,
As September ends,
Cold spring,
As September ends.

Its spring,
As September ends,
What a wet spring,
As September ends.

I don't want September to end coz',
I don't like rainy, cold and wet spring.
But I do want September to end so,
I could go home........^_^

What a lame poem.....

I need to speak...

2005-10-02T20:13:00.000+10:00

I think I have a problem,
but I don't know what problem I am having,
I still think I have a problem,
but I don't know how to find out my problem...

I found that while working today I,
wasn't as enthusiasted as I've always been,
wasn't as happy,
wasn't as comfy,
wasn't as chatty,
wasn't as energetic,
so was it my sore throat+headache+voicelessness the causes of my "problem"?

I was quite emo today cause I,
actually felt the need,
the urge,
the long,
the desire,
to be home,
to feel home,
to have a home.

I was tear-dropping on my way home in the train, listening to my favourite song "mui kui suet wa"..... dammit

I hate, I hate it, I so hate to know,
people that are bitchy, trying to bitch, trying to act like a bitch and bitches other people,
although that particular person is such a hot or pretty babe, but she is a pitch black bitch that bitches.
I still hate to see,
people that are so fake and selfish,
although that particular person can be as loving as a lovey bird to the people she loves,
but she is still a bias faker who is inconsiderate, cold-hearted and childish fishmonger.

She's fallin' sicK

2005-09-28T21:03:00.000+10:00

She's feelin' sick...
She's fallin' sick...
She's callin' sick...
She's waitin' sick...
She's nevabin' sick...
Yet,
She's gettin' sick.

I feel sick.

Stupid virus~